yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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