I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
two words: eviction party
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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