i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
