i think i have two assholes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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