I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
