So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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