I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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