I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize