It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
