where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize