I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
