i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
