he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I believe in your delicious
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
