Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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