you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
