I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
