Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
