Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize