ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
