So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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