and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
