Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
