Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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