some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
