oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
