can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
