Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
