I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
