pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
