Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize