don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
