Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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