dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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