After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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