I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
