Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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