im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
