I have demons in me.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
