Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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