I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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