This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My butt remains clenched, sir.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
