guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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