...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
