You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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