I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
