Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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