as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Damn victory sex feels great
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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