my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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