alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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