her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
