i just had sex bonerless
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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