it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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