Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
