The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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