I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
