there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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