dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
