I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
