Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
