I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
