the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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