just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
