Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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