Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
