i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
