I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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