...so i touched it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
