I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
