she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
